"Oh man there looking again, Should I stop moving around so much while I worship? Are my prayers to long winded? Am I making them uncomfortable? Am I too charismatic for them? Am I believing God for too much? "

These are thoughts that have run through my mind at some point during the duration of my time on the field. Fear of man. I stopped living from a place of letting God guide me, and started living from a place of letting people decide how I should seek the Lord. Through a serious of wonderful "feedbacks" from my team I backed off. I didn't want to ruffle feathers, I didn't want to make people uncomfortable.

I stopped being me. I stopped being who God made me.

I sat back one day and thought, "what am I doing, I fought so hard for my voice and now I am silencing it." I quenched the spirit in a big way, and I felt God's heartbreak because of it.

I sought the Lord how I always have, but I did it in silence. I did it away from my team, I did it where no one could see. I didn't want to be misunderstood or looked down on. I wanted to please them. Pleasing man, check.

I remember over a year ago, when I didn't care. When I wanted to seek God and his spirit and I didn't care how it looked, I didn't care who saw, I didn't care what people thought of me. I went after it with everything I had and never gave a second thought to it. I challenged people to seek the Lord in new ways, to allow him to speak to them. And here I was a year later hiding it.

I sat in my tent a few weeks ago, praying and just seeking the Lord asking where my passion had gone, where my fire to just walk in his spirit had gone. I cried out for the Lord's spirit to fall on me. To cover me, to SATURATE me. To take me deeper then I had ever gone and to uproot this fear that I have been hiding behind.

I sat worshiping the Lord, and as I sang out, the words weren't words. To me they never are. They are the cries of my heart. They are the life in me that is fighting to get out. When I worship the Lord his life oozes out of me. I am not in a room, I am not surrounded by people (though I may physically be) I am in the Lord's presence. Each time I am dancing with my papa as he spins me around and around. I am lost in his gaze, in his life. I am lost in him. I don't care what it looks like, because I am with my papa and I am wrapped up in his love for me. I am CONSUMED in his love for me. Nothing else matters.

Nothing else matters.

He whispered this too me. Nothing else matters. I am here, I will never leave you. It doesn't matter if they understand, it doesn't matter if they like it, it doesn't matter if they like you. You are not here for them you are here for me. I am all you need.

Though you may stand alone, you are not alone. I am here.

I am a heart that is meant to soar. When the Lord speaks I speak, when he moves I move. It's who he has made me to be. I am not held down by fear, I do not walk in trying to please others. I am a daughter of the King, and wherever I am, he is. When I speak life happens and I walk into that with full truth and conviction. I am not meant to make people comfortable. Jesus never made people comfortable, he comforted them yes but he never allowed them to stay how they were. He was highly disliked and many people turned away because they thought he was too radical.

Well if I am going to be like Jesus, like the bible tells me to then I better expect that people are going to get their feathers ruffled.

So here I stand in desperation for more of you Lord.

SPIRIT FALL ON ME!

I am ready, I am willing and I will not back down. Peoples words will not hinder me, there glances will not stop me and there hesitation will not prevent me from seeking you all the days of my life. You are more then enough. So again I say....

SPIRIT FALL ON ME!

I took it into action. Cause you know that whole faith is dead without action thing. A couple of days later while my team was gone, I put in my ipod and started worshipping in our living area where all of our tents are. I immediately was in the Lord's presence. Dripping in everything him, So I started dancing around the room and praying. My team came back, I was still going after it. Nothing could stop me from being with my papa. I prayed life over my team, God's presence over our lives and just increased peace, patience and love to flow from all of us.

As I was worshipping I felt the Lord nudging me to go outside and pray a washing away of the old, and new life to spring up. As I stood outside praying this, it immediately started raining and I felt the Lord, showing me how he was washing away everything and making me new. I sat and worshiped under the tree for about 2 hours. I had my head phones in and was singing at the top of my lungs, while dancing in the rain and I couldn't hear a thing. I didn't care, I was with my papa. After, I sat and took in the beauty around me, and I was positive of one thing. My team had heard everything. Singing, praying, and me just being at my papa's feet, and it felt good. Like fear was stripped away and I was walking out fresh and alive.

I prayed, and the spirit fell. Ah, God is so good! 

It's been approximately 4.5 months since I posted part one of this blog. So if you need a refresher you can click here to readI'm a Racer, not Michelangelo...or so I thought (Part one) 

I'm not sure why it took till now to write this but here goes the grand finale with pictures!

So, of course after being told our wonderful expectations of recreating the Lord's super on a ridiculous angle and height and declining it, we choose from one of their 5 murals they wanted done and came out with the Lord's army carrying the arc of the covenant. Now, if I had any say at all in what to paint, this would not have been my first choice. But as it turns out; it was in fact not my choice. So, I did exactly as they asked.

They showed me the wall it was going to go on, which was a ground level wall that was pretty much the first thing you see when you look at the church. I started drawing it out on paper and all I could think was please let this look half way decent so I don't deface their brand new church!

The process was an interesting one. Especially with about 14 people on my team who all had an opinion of how they thought it should look, plus the pastor, board of elders, and any random stranger who happened to walk by in the process. ( Which in fact happened all the time since we lived in a tourist town and the church was a "hot spot" for them to walk by. Even if we were in services with the kids; Tourists would walk into our service to take pictures of us and the kids. Talk about feeling like a zoo animal. Sheesh. But that's a story for another day)

As much as people could help out, they did, which was great. Still interesting since we all paint differently but hey, it got done. I ended up with an amazing tan and lovely side of dehydration by the time the process was complete.

I now consider this my finger print left in Asia. Not to mention Thailand is by far my favorite place I have ever been to. I adore everything about the country. The people the place, the life, everything. So, leaving something behind gives me a ridiculous excuse to come back and check on it, (as if I need one. We all know I have been plotting a way to return there from the moment I set foot in Bangkok).

So here is the final product 3 weeks, 8 paint cans, 14 fights, 3 cases of dehydration, 63 amazing Thail meals, and two teams combined later. We finally finished it.

Since the process was such a fun, interesting, team building, one I have decided to recreate the process here in Kenya. You can read all about my new mural adventures on my blog Lion of Judah.

Oh and by the way, I am still in need of 7,000 in order to squad lead starting in July! Please consider supporting me, I can't do it without you!! Thanks! SUPPORT ME HERE. 

Today I miss Thailand.

The smells, the touch, the taste of Thailand

The people, the culture, the food, the passion

The girls

The boys

The elephants

The market places

The other day as I was perusing facebook in my not so often free time, I saw a post by a girl I know on another squad that said they had just landed in Bangkok and were getting ready to start their ministry for the month.

My heart melted, thinking about the last time I was there.

All the memories I have of Bangkok, which was my home away from home for the good part of 6 months.

I remembered Bangkok: I remembered the movie theater with the oversized recliners, pillows and blankets where I saw super 8 with my team. I remembered the market we walked to everyday in Bangkok where you could get amazing smoothies for 50 cents. I remember getting lost and jumping back and forth between 4 different buses in search of the mall, never finding it, and then eating at an awesome restaurant in downtown.

 I remembered Chiang Mai: I remembered living with the girls at remember Nhu, and them coming in giggling every night and getting ready for bed after we helped them with their homework. I remember letting off lanterns into the night sky after we finished a cultural dinner. I remember building a house from scratch and mixing concrete all day long and playing with the girls at night. I remember being cornered by the girls we lived with about showering after work (we showered everyday, Thai culture is a very very clean culture) I remember the girls singing us a goodbye song as tears ran down their faces and ours, right before we left.

I remember Chiang Rai (not to be confused with chaing MAI): I remembered living down the street from an elephant park, and being friends with a lady a couple houses down who had an elephant in her front yard. I remember painting a mural on the side of the church as I was drenched in sweat from the heat. I remember doing children's ministry where we could only communicate through hugs and smiles. I remember meeting a precious woman who was 102 years old as she smiled and asked us about America. I remember fried bananas for 25 cents at the ladies shop next door to us that had a 9 foot long python in a cage.

 I remembered the people I met, places I went, temples I visited and got to pray over. I remember the life I felt when I was there.

A piece of my heart is still in Thailand and today I miss it. 

I remembered the people I met, places I went, temples I visited and got to pray over. I remember the life I felt when I was there.

A piece of my heart is still in Thailand and today I miss it.  

I have heard more times then I can count how lucky I am to live the life I live. To that I say, AMEN! You are so absolutely spot on! I am blessed beyond a shadow of a doubt to be able to leave my comfort to spread God's love. AMEN AMEN AMEN.

I never want to discount or minimize the fact that I know the life I live is a privilege. That the call the Lord has placed on me is one I daily marvel at and ask the Lord why he choose me.

Seriously, the other night I sat thinking about my life. Basically how crappy I choose to live it for so many years, and how God plucked me out of my steaming pile of crap I had built up and literally transformed me into something beautiful and unrecognizable. HECK YEAH. I accept that. Thank you Jesus! I would not be me, without you.

Then I thought, Lord thank you for sending me to the places that are the hardest for me. For situations I can't handle on my own. To countries that test my patience and love. To people who don't like me, trust me or want me around.

It's true you read that right. I'm thankful for all of the junk I have been fortunate enough to walk through. I say fortunate enough because it shows me that God cares about my character and honor and integrity to walk through the junk and make it to the other side not only unscathed but beaming with his light..

Last year I was in Uganda. I was a hot mess. I struggled with the country my contact my health and had daily pity parties for myself. What a fantastic month that was for me. It was hard. I wanted to go home. I whined, complained and poured out venomous negativity on my team.

What came out of it? Hard realizations of how negative I was, how much my attitude affected those around me, and just a dingy, dirty, unloving heart. My sin shined brighter then ever. Everywhere I turned it glared back at me. I checked my heart, and the outlook was fatal. So, what happened? God took a bad experience and ripped out things in my life that needed to be ripped out. I would not have gotten those if I didn't get beat over the head with my flaws.

Last year in Cambodia I was lazy, run down, worn out, and tired. I got complacent. It led me to not caring, apathy and all the lovely side effects of that. Why? Not because I had a genuine reason to be, mainly because I decided that was how I should be after 11 months.

I got home and saw my intentions, my motives and all my reasoning behind my actions and saw how much it was defined by my perception of what I thought I was supposed to be like. I saw my complacency staring back at me, and all of the opportunities I missed because of it. God slapped my in the face with that one.

I am where I am now, because I got dragged through the mud. I let situations and circumstances dictate how I lived and loved. It took me failing and recognizing that failure for God to be able to show me the things in my heart and actions that absolutely needed to change. So, every day I thank the Lord that he cares enough about me and my life to take me through the crap. The stuff that hurts, and stings, and shatters my pride.

I remember this time last year getting called out on something in my life, and being told how much pride I was acting out of. It hurt, it burned, I winced and shrunk back in the pain, but I let God speak into that and uproot something I didn't even know I was dealing with.

So, now I can operate out of a place of trusting in the Lord, rather then trying to get something because I feel like I deserve it. I don't deserve it. I don't deserve anything, but God loves me and chooses to give me things anyways. So now I can operate out of  place of thanksgiving and gratefulness rather then expectancy and entitlement.

I am thankful for the junk. I am thankful for God's faithfulness in using it for his glory. I am thankful that my learning never ceases and neither does God's grace. I am thankful that I am COVERED in God's grace. I am thankful that I serve a God who is full of love, and not afraid to call us on our crap and radically force us to confront the things in our life that he wants gone. He is just and good and wants the same for us, at any cost.

I am so thankful that God loves us enough to discipline us. I am who I am because God never stops pushing me to greatness, and sometimes it requires getting a little messy. In the end all I can say is AMEN!

"I don't know what happened, my arms are healing faster then they ever have"

These were the words of my student JM Fields, the morning after we prayed for healing over a syndrome she has had for several years of her life.

JM is thee most adorable, creative girl I have ever met. She is so full of life and love to give. She brings child like joy everywhere she goes. The Lord has blessed her with an incredible amount of talent and creativity that I would love to have even the teeniest bit rub off on me while I have the privilege of spending the next two months with her.

It was 4 days ago that I was sitting in my tent as tears streamed down JM's face as she told me all about these sores that were growing on her under arms, due to polysistic ovarian syndrome that she has had her whole life. She told me how they were worse then they had ever been and were draining which was causing her horrible discomfort. After talking to her mom she discovered that she would have to have surgery to remove the sores if they didn't get better.

After a day of sitting on this information she came and found me and was telling me how she didn't know what to do and was scared. As we talked, I felt the Lord moving saying this is not going to last. Don't pray for her discomfort to be gone, pray for her syndrome to be gone completely.

We sat and talked about how so often we put God in this box of wanting him to take away our pain, or our discomfort all the while God is saying why do you want me to help you cope with it when I can just take it away all together? All we have to do is ask. You will never know if you don't ask. Get specific, get personal and be real with God.

We say he's a God of healing and yet we are afraid to ask him to heal us. I said, so instead of asking the Lord to take away your discomfort we are going to ask him to take away your syndrome and that from this second on that your arms are going to begin healing.

So, we did just that. We sat together and we prayed. We didn't just pray though, we expected God to show up and to heal her. We had faith, that God is who he says he is. Our healer.

The next day after ministry when she walked in I remembered our prayer and asked her how she was feeling and if anything has changed. To which she said they completely stopped draining out of nowhere. I just smiled and said Jesus heals.

Everyday since then I don't even have to ask, she just comes up to me and gives me a report. She walks up to me and tells me how quickly they are healing. Tonight as we sat having a birthday party for one of our other girls, she looked at me and said "It's almost completely gone, they have healed faster then they ever have usually it takes weeks for them to recover and it has only been four days, and they were way worse then they ever have been" Her face just beamed with the knowledge that God had done a mighty work in her. It was more then a knowledge of God healing her, it was a knowledge of knowing God loves her and cares enough about her to even hear her prayers for healing, and to want to take it away.

God heals. I have seen it with my eyes and know that's who he is. This is just one instance of God working in the lives of his children.

 On a side note, I super need your financial support in order to squad led more of the generation God is rising up this summer. CLICK HERE to support me. 

Crump&tuid=11923747Squad Leading

Oh hey! Want to know exactly what it means to be a squad leader? Well you're in luck. I'm going to fill you in on everything.

What is your role as a squad leader?

My role is to pour into the squad. More specifically to pour into the team leaders so that they can then pour into their teams. I encourage, rise up, and release leaders to be the best that they can be. Does it sound like the marines? It's not. : )

What will you be doing?

As a squad leader you have a lot of flexibility in where you go throughout each country. The teams on the field will go to one location and stay there for the whole month, where as the squad leaders will visit multiple teams and spots in a country during that same time. Our job is to go encourage and empower each team throughout their time, and to challenge them to go deeper in their relationship with the Lord, so when they are out doing ministry they are doing it from a place of intimacy with the Lord.

Your doing the race again? So you'll be gone for 11 more months?

No, I will be with the squad for the first 4 months they are on the field, at which point we will raise up new squad leaders from within the squad who will take over and we will go home. We will then go back to visit the squad at their month 8 and 11 debriefs, to be able to refocus and encourage them along their journey.

Why do you have to fundraise, shouldn't it be free?

Well, that is a good question my dear friends. All of my on the field expenses will be covered by the squad and their fundraising, however airfare for the first four countries as well as to month 8 and 11 debrief is my responsibility to raise. AIM is a non-profit org. and therefore this is just how the cookie crumbles my friends. I will raise around 7,000 to cover all of my flights. Would love your support : ) CLICK HERE to give.

Are you excited? Or exhausted at the thought of leaving so soon again?

I am pumped! I know without a doubt the Lord is guiding me in all of this, and though yes at times I think to myself that I must be crazy to jump right back into the field, I know it's what God wants. I will get time to rest when I am home for June, and I always end up getting so much life in the midst of my chaos. So to sum it up I am more then excited. I know that God has so much in store for my squad and he is getting ready to pour it out over all of them. I am praying for transformation, life, passion, compassion, perseverance and an abundance of God's spirit to come down on the squad. I am excited to see more of this generation fully alive and thriving in the Lord and willing to do anything to bring his kingdom to earth. I am so blessed and humbled that the Lord has chosen me to be a apart of this journey with them, and I know there are going to be incredible things that happen! So stay tuned!

When and why did you decided to become a Squad Leader?

Well, God actually laid squad leading on my heart right at the end of month 1 of my race. I knew it as something I was called to, but not something for the race. I waited and thought that God had closed the door, and then BAM he flung it wide open, and told me the time was now. So here I am, and as far as why I want to squad lead, it has a lot to do with the impact my squad leaders had on me during the race. They pushed me and challenged me and allowed me to see things in a way I never had before. They are a big reason why I am who I am today, because of the passion and life they brought to our squad and I want to be able to do that for others also. I want to help them see who God truly is and what he can do if we let him. I want to see more of my generation fully alive for the Lord, and I want them to take a hold of it make it their own, and run with it. God's wrecked my heart for my generation and I want to be a part of helping raise us up to follow the Lord no matter how it looks.

When do you leave and where will you be going?

I will be leaving in July. Sometime in the beginning of the month, the actual date is not set as of yet. Also my squad is yet to be determined. They are working on placing us with our co-leaders and then they will place us with our route. God already knows which route has been placed on my heart, but ultimately I am going because he is calling me to go, I am not going because of a specific country or location. But as soon as I know, I will let you know! No matter where I end up, God is going to be moving there big time, and that's all I need to know!

Support Raising. It's a sore subject for me. I don't like talking about it, writing about it, thinking about it or planning for it. It's hard and often met with a lot of rejection. Half way through the race when I was fully funded I pleaded with the Lord to not call me to anything that would require me to raise money, or ask anyone for help. I loved relying on you Lord, but um I want to take it from here on out. Ha! That didn't go well, and God said clearly that he was not done with me and that if he called me to anything that he would provide.

So, I shook my head and thought, "oh no, what's coming next" Well for starters Africa, Kenya more specifically. He brought me here and told me it's in my hands, just trust. So I am trusting. Then right when I think I am safe and can go home for at least a couple of months he places squad leading on my heart. You know when the Lord places something on your heart, and you can't eat, drink, or sleep without thinking about it. How it doesn't matter what you are doing it creeps into your mind constantly and you know it won't go away until you act on it? Well that's what he did with squad leading.

Just like when I signed up for the world race and wanted to wait for a later one so I could earn money and do it on my own, that's what I wanted to do with this. I picked a later trip and decided to lead it, and then God said, uh uh I want you to go in July.

"What? Lord, I don't know if you know this or not, but I just got off the world race in November, was home for approximately a month before I went to Kenya, and now you want me to get back from Kenya, go to training camp in may, spend another month at home and then leave again?" His response, "Yep"

Ok, awesome. Alright Lord, I trust you. So that's what I did, I signed up got accepted and am going to be squad leading for a July World Race squad. As I sat here thinking about it, it hit me. Support Raising. Ugh. I wanted to curl up into a ball. I don't know if I can do it anymore. I am sick of asking people for money. People are sick of me asking them for money. I am tired of feeling like a leech. I feel needy, lazy, frustrated with the fact that I can't just figure out a way to get the money without asking anyone for help.

That's when God met me there and told me, this isn't about you. I choose you to do this because you have something that your squad needs. They have life in them that needs to be released and you need to guide them in that. I told you I would provide for you, if you stepped out and followed me, and you are doing that. I never promised the process would be simple or easy but I promised I will be with you, and my will, will be done. Some people may not understand but the people who need to will. You are not lazy you are following my will for you and doing what I call you to do, and it just so happens to not look like the norm, but I am with you.

So, I uncurled from my ball sat a little taller and decided to trust the Lord. The thing with trusting him, is it's not a one time thing, it's ever day. So here I am once again asking you to stand behind me in this. I don't know what the Lords plans are for me exactly, but I know that I am supposed to be leading my generation further into his heart and love for them and that is precisely what I am going to be doing.

So, if you would like to continue on this journey God has me on of releasing this generation around the world to show his love and grace then consider supporting me. I need to raise 7,000 dollars for my flights while I lead the squad. And I can't do it without you. I need your help and I am asking with the full confidence that the Lord already knows exactly how and when the money is going to come in, and that it will in fact be coming in. So, consider supporting me, I know this is a sacrifice for you to be able to do so, but know that your support is helping to bring God's love to people who may never have heard of him before. We're releasing a fire, and it's catching and bringing God's glory to the World. Will you partner with me in helping it spread?

 If so CLICK HERE

God has laid a huge truth on me during my last two months in Kenya. The one thing he keeps asking me over and over again is, "What do you need? What are you lacking? What do you wish you had more of? Where do you want to be growing?" and without fail every time I come up with the one thing that I need, the one thing that would make me feel better, or give me life in a certain area, his response is always "Take what you are lacking and go give it to someone else"

If I need encouragement, he tells me to go encourage someone else. If I need someone to listen to or hear out my heart, he tells me to go and sit and listen to someone else's heart. If I need someone to pray for me, he tells me to go pray for someone else. If I want someone to take care of me when I'm sick, he tells me to go take care of someone else when they are sick.

Sounds crazy? Not really.

So, often I get caught up in needing so much. Wishing that someone would come along and just know the things deep inside my heart that need release or rest. I think of ways that people can bless me, or make me feel better, or make me feel more comfortable. Just asking God to send someone who understands, who gets it, and who will love me exactly where I am and for who I am, in that precise moment.

I know I'm not the only one who does this. Search your hearts. There's always moments in life where we need something and just wish someone would come along to meet us in that need. It's not wrong to want that, were supposed to live in community that reaches out and touches each other, but how do you react when you don't get it. Is it a pity party, or woe is me type of attitude? We start to live in a place of lack, feeling like God or someone has to come around and dig us out of the "pit" we find ourselves in.

When in reality God already gave us the key. Chances are if you need something, so does someone else. If you need support, love, grace, someone to listen to you, a shoulder to cry on, a friend to confide in, encouragement, or life spoken into you, so does someone else. So you could sit there and think man, if only someone would take the time to come comfort and support me, or you can say hey I really need comfort and support so I am going to go and find someone and be that for them. Give away the one thing you don't have. Be the blessing you are waiting/hoping for.

God will never return void in that. There is so much life when you decide to act on things instead of waiting idly by.

The other night in my team I was having a really hard time leading. I was discouraged and out of it, and as I sat there I was talking to God about how much I needed encouragement, and once again he said, ok take that and go give it to someone else. So when team time came I gave everyone a paper and told them that we were going to encourage each other. We were going to sit and listen to the lord, and write down what we felt he was saying about the person and the encouragement that the Lord was speaking over them.

I sat and listened and wrote, and even just writing out words of life to someone else took a huge weight I was carrying off of me. Then it was time to find out who the papers went to, and give them to them. So, we handed out the letters and when I got mine it was exactly what I needed to hear. I'm not talking about general, oh this could apply to anyone type of thing. No, it was specific and spoke so clearly to my heart, and as I read it I just felt the Lord saying "see what happens when you step out first and decide to give away what you don't have. I will always bless you when you take a chance and step out."

Now it may not always be tangible and instant in the same way that mine was that night, but the Lord will always be faithful to fill you up. Just think how many peoples prayers you are answering by deciding to give away what you don't have. So, much life comes when we decide to step out. I see it everyday 

Walking along the hospital corridors you see people lining the walls waiting to see a doctor. Hospital waiting rooms filled to overflowing with people just waiting to be seen. As you walk further into the hospital you find yourselves in hallways lined with doctors, and nurses bustling around in a hurry to go from room to room to see as many patients as possible. Kenyan doctors will stop to say hello and greet us, while American doctors who are volunteering will give us quizzical looks as to why a group of Americans are wandering the hospital everyday. It is a chaotic blur of events that is occurring all around us at any given point.

We are there to get to know people, love on them, shadow doctors and transform to become anything they need at any given moment. In a single day you can witness a surgery, assist a doctor in taking off a cast, pray with people, draw on a blackboard with children, work in the kitchen, do rounds, work in the marketing department, give a sermon, sing, sew or a countless number of other things.

On my first day in the wards, I was a bit overwhelmed with the amount of stuff that was happening around me. We walked into the annex, where mothers were lying in beds with their babies who have spin bifida and whose brains are enlarged from swelling. All I could do was walk around and pray, to listen to what the Lord was saying over the children who lye waiting around for surgery or who just received surgery. I walked around listening, taking it all in, and letting my heart feel the Lords heart in that place.

When we were returning from lunch I was praying that God would highlight someone for me to talk to. As soon as I walked through the doors to the hospital I was met with the same bustling scene I had encountered earlier but this time something different caught my attention. Amongst all of the bustling doctors I noticed a little boy weaving in-between them, dressed in pink hospital clothes.  He immediately caught my attention, not only because of his pink hospital clothes but because of his confidence in maneuvering the halls. As we got closer I noticed their was something different about this eight year old boy. I saw the reason he was in the hospital.

He turned to shake my hand and I saw the tumor that covered his over 65% of his face, and yet it wasn't what captured me. He was the most precious little boy I had met there. He then followed us into the pediatrics ward to the black board in the back to draw pictures with chalk. While he drew he laughed and played and was just like any other 8 year old boy. His disposition was so sweet and kind and he stole my heart. We sat and drew together and played clapping games. He would get a big smile across his face. I left that day with such a soft spot for him.

The next day, I was with one of my girls shadowing a physical therapist, when we found ourselves in Alex's room. I waved hello to them, and followed the doctor to the patient we were there to see, but as we sat there I saw a different doctor come up to Alex with a syringe. He sat on the bed getting a shot in his arm, and after a minute or so he started crying and whincing in pain. It broke my heart to see, I just wanted to go next to him, scoop him into my arms and tell him everything was ok. I asked the doctor I was with, what he was getting done, and he told me that he was getting silicone implants in his arms so that when he had the surgery to take the tumor off of his face that they would have skin to use to graft his face with. He told me that Alex and his father had been in the hospital for over a year, getting ready for and waiting for his surgery he was going to have.

I listened intently as my heart broke for him and his family. Living in a hospital, particularly this one is not the most entertaining thing in the world. In fact it can be down right boring, and he had spent over a year there. Not only that but he is undergoing painful injections and operations on a daily basis. He had every reason to be sad and down, and yet he had so much joy. He is just like any other 8 year old boy and still is able to sit and smile and laugh and have fun, in the midst of so much.

Through him God gave me such a good depiction of what it means to not let our circumstances dictate our Joy or life that we experience through him. He is bigger then our pain, and situations. I don't know why Alex has to deal with all of this at such a young age, or at all but I know that God is with him and will not let him go. Through all the chaos and mess of life, God is who he says he is, and he is always faithful.

Alex has stolen a place in my heart and I ask for your prayers for him also as he continues to go through the process of getting his procedure. He is such a precious child of God and I feel so blessed that I am able to spend even just a little bit of time loving on him while we are here. He is an encouragement to me.