Posted in General Posts by Hailey Crump on 4/18/2012
To be honest i don't want to post this, because I personally don't enjoy airing my dirty laundry for the world to see, But as it happens God is walking me in a season of showing my heart no matter how blemished it is at times.
So here's a little honesty for you. During my race, there were a lot of things I really sucked at. I'll go ahead and name a few. Respect, Honor, Trusting the Lord, Bitterness, Love, Defilement. Or I guess with some of those I was actually really good at them like defilement and Bitterness. In fact I may have mastered them.
Also, know that the realization of this stings me to think about. There is so much I missed because I was too stubborn to change, or see things a different way.
I won't touch on all of these, cause well I don't want to completely tear myself to shreds publicly, but there are a few that affected my race in a big way.
One of them Being Bitterness.
Man i walked in bitterness like it was no ones business.
Bitterness of not being chosen as a leader.
"Man if they could only see how awesome I am, then they would know they made a mistake in not picking me."
or reality check.
They saw the growth I needed to walk in, in a way that I was completely blind too.
Defilement
I knew everything, all the time. I could tell you what was happening with any person at any given time. I called it being well informed, it was defilement.
Airing frustrations, breading an air of negativity by airing bitterness towards people.
Sitting in my own junk and dragging other people into it.
Man oh man, I did defilement well.
To be honest i didn't see the big deal. How it affected other people.
Reality Check
When you air bitterness and gossip people catch it and get dragged down by it, it's like a disease.
Today it hit me in the face in a big way. I am not who I was. I am not defined by who I was on the race. The good or the bad, I am not held back by it. I reached high heights with the Lord while I was on my race. Along with all the crap I walked out there was also a lot of good. I found the Lord in new ways, and a lot of things in my life changed while I was gone, but there is still more to change, there are still higher heights to climb.
The Lord has walked me through a season of breaking things off of me left and right during these last three months. He has showed me just how much I had stepped into during my race and that I needed to begin walking into it fully and leaving the old behind. I am not who i was 6 months ago, I am not who I was two weeks ago, I am not who I was yesterday. God is ever changing and evolving and I will never reach a point of being complete or perfect in it. There is always more to be had.
As far as bitterness, God walked me out of that the last 4 months of the race, and completely broke it off of me in January, right before he gave me the go ahead to Squad Lead. He would not let me jump into it with that stuck to me. I needed to be made new. So he made me new.
Defilement. Man o man of all the things he broke off my life that is the biggest. When I started leading this trip, that is the one thing God walked me into it saying you will absolutely not do that here. So, I didn't. I walked in knowing i would stand firm in that, and i have. Suddenly it's not an issue. These last three months my team at times has struggled with defilement and I have seen how it cuts, and wounds, and destroys. I have seen words bring death and cause pain and disunity and I see how it's roots get planted. I will not willingly bring that into my life any longer.
Suddenly I looked back one day and realized these were no longer issues, God had erased them without me even knowing. i am new and I walk in that. i am not held down by who I was and I walk in new freedom each day. Lord take my heart and make it pure, search my heart I don't want anything thats not you.
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Posted in General Posts by Hailey Crump on 4/15/2012
"Oh man there
looking again, Should I stop moving around so much while I worship? Are my
prayers to long winded? Am I making them uncomfortable? Am I too charismatic
for them? Am I believing God for too much? "
These are
thoughts that have run through my mind at some point during the duration of my
time on the field. Fear of man. I stopped living from a place of letting God
guide me, and started living from a place of letting people decide how I should
seek the Lord. Through a serious of wonderful "feedbacks" from my team I backed
off. I didn't want to ruffle feathers, I didn't want to make people
uncomfortable.
I stopped
being me. I stopped being who God made me.
I sat back
one day and thought, "what am I doing, I fought so hard for my voice and now I
am silencing it." I quenched the spirit in a big way, and I felt God's
heartbreak because of it.
I sought the
Lord how I always have, but I did it in silence. I did it away from my team, I
did it where no one could see. I didn't want to be misunderstood or looked down
on. I wanted to please them. Pleasing man, check.
I remember
over a year ago, when I didn't care. When I wanted to seek God and his spirit
and I didn't care how it looked, I didn't care who saw, I didn't care what people
thought of me. I went after it with everything I had and never gave a second
thought to it. I challenged people to seek the Lord in new ways, to allow him
to speak to them. And here I was a year later hiding it.

I sat in my
tent a few weeks ago, praying and just seeking the Lord asking where my passion
had gone, where my fire to just walk in his spirit had gone. I cried out for
the Lord's spirit to fall on me. To cover me, to SATURATE me. To take me deeper
then I had ever gone and to uproot this fear that I have been hiding behind.
I sat
worshiping the Lord, and as I sang out, the words weren't words. To me they
never are. They are the cries of my heart. They are the life in me that is
fighting to get out. When I worship the Lord his life oozes out of me. I am not
in a room, I am not surrounded by people (though I may physically be) I am in
the Lord's presence. Each time I am dancing with my papa as he spins me around
and around. I am lost in his gaze, in his life. I am lost in him. I don't care
what it looks like, because I am with my papa and I am wrapped up in his love
for me. I am CONSUMED in his love for me. Nothing else matters.
Nothing else
matters.
He whispered
this too me. Nothing else matters. I am here, I will never leave you. It
doesn't matter if they understand, it doesn't matter if they like it, it
doesn't matter if they like you. You are not here for them you are here for me.
I am all you need.
Though you
may stand alone, you are not alone. I am here.
I am a heart
that is meant to soar. When the Lord speaks I speak, when he moves I move. It's
who he has made me to be. I am not held down by fear, I do not walk in trying
to please others. I am a daughter of the King, and wherever I am, he is. When I
speak life happens and I walk into that with full truth and conviction. I am
not meant to make people comfortable. Jesus never made people comfortable, he
comforted them yes but he never allowed them to stay how they were. He was
highly disliked and many people turned away because they thought he was too
radical.
Well if I am
going to be like Jesus, like the bible tells me to then I better expect that
people are going to get their feathers ruffled.
So here I
stand in desperation for more of you Lord.
SPIRIT FALL
ON ME!
I am ready, I
am willing and I will not back down. Peoples words will not hinder me, there
glances will not stop me and there hesitation will not prevent me from seeking
you all the days of my life. You are more then enough. So again I say....
SPIRIT FALL
ON ME!
I took it
into action. Cause you know that whole faith is dead without action thing. A
couple of days later while my team was gone, I put in my ipod and started
worshipping in our living area where all of our tents are. I immediately was in
the Lord's presence. Dripping in everything him, So I started dancing around
the room and praying. My team came back, I was still going after it. Nothing
could stop me from being with my papa. I prayed life over my team, God's
presence over our lives and just increased peace, patience and love to flow
from all of us.

As I was
worshipping I felt the Lord nudging me to go outside and pray a washing away of
the old, and new life to spring up. As I stood outside praying this, it
immediately started raining and I felt the Lord, showing me how he was washing
away everything and making me new. I sat and worshiped under the tree for about
2 hours. I had my head phones in and was singing at the top of my lungs, while
dancing in the rain and I couldn't hear a thing. I didn't care, I was with my
papa. After, I sat and took in the beauty around me, and I was positive of one
thing. My team had heard everything. Singing, praying, and me just being at my
papa's feet, and it felt good. Like fear was stripped away and I was walking
out fresh and alive.
I prayed, and
the spirit fell. Ah, God is so good!
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Posted in General Posts by Hailey Crump on 3/19/2012
It's been
approximately 4.5 months since I posted part one of this blog. So if you need a
refresher you can click here to readI'm a Racer, not Michelangelo...or so I thought (Part one)
I'm not sure why
it took till now to write this but here goes the grand finale with pictures!
So, of course
after being told our wonderful expectations of recreating the Lord's super on a
ridiculous angle and height and declining it, we choose from one of their 5
murals they wanted done and came out with the Lord's army carrying the arc of
the covenant. Now, if I had any say at all in what to paint, this would not
have been my first choice. But as it turns out; it was in fact not my choice.
So, I did exactly as they asked.
 
They showed me
the wall it was going to go on, which was a ground level wall that was pretty
much the first thing you see when you look at the church. I started drawing it
out on paper and all I could think was please let this look half way decent so
I don't deface their brand new church!
 
The process was
an interesting one. Especially with about 14 people on my team who all had an
opinion of how they thought it should look, plus the pastor, board of elders,
and any random stranger who happened to walk by in the process. ( Which in fact
happened all the time since we lived in a tourist town and the church was a
"hot spot" for them to walk by. Even if we were in services with the kids; Tourists
would walk into our service to take pictures of us and the kids. Talk about
feeling like a zoo animal. Sheesh. But that's a story for another day)
 
As much as people
could help out, they did, which was great. Still interesting since we all paint
differently but hey, it got done. I ended up with an amazing tan and lovely
side of dehydration by the time the process was complete.

I now consider
this my finger print left in Asia. Not to
mention Thailand
is by far my favorite place I have ever been to. I adore everything about the
country. The people the place, the life, everything. So, leaving something
behind gives me a ridiculous excuse to come back and check on it, (as if I need
one. We all know I have been plotting a way to return there from the moment I
set foot in Bangkok).

So here is the
final product 3 weeks, 8 paint cans, 14 fights, 3 cases of dehydration, 63
amazing Thail meals, and two teams combined later. We finally finished it.

Since the process
was such a fun, interesting, team building, one I have decided to recreate the
process here in Kenya.
You can read all about my new mural adventures on my blog Lion of Judah.
Oh and by the
way, I am still in need of 7,000 in order to squad lead starting in July!
Please consider supporting me, I can't do it without you!! Thanks! SUPPORT ME
HERE.
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Posted in General Posts by Hailey Crump on 3/19/2012
Today I miss Thailand.
The smells, the touch, the taste of Thailand
The people, the culture, the food, the
passion
The girls
The boys
The elephants
The market places
The other day
as I was perusing facebook in my not so often free time, I saw a post by a girl
I know on another squad that said they had just landed in Bangkok and were getting ready to start their
ministry for the month.
My heart
melted, thinking about the last time I was there.
All the
memories I have of Bangkok,
which was my home away from home for the good part of 6 months.
I remembered Bangkok: I remembered the movie theater with the oversized
recliners, pillows and blankets where I saw super 8 with my team. I remembered
the market we walked to everyday in Bangkok
where you could get amazing smoothies for 50 cents. I remember getting lost and
jumping back and forth between 4 different buses in search of the mall, never
finding it, and then eating at an awesome restaurant in downtown.


I remembered Chiang Mai: I remembered living with the girls at
remember Nhu, and them coming in giggling every night and getting ready for bed
after we helped them with their homework. I remember letting off lanterns into
the night sky after we finished a cultural dinner. I remember building a house
from scratch and mixing concrete all day long and playing with the girls at
night. I remember being cornered by the girls we lived with about showering
after work (we showered everyday, Thai culture is a very very clean culture) I
remember the girls singing us a goodbye song as tears ran down their faces and
ours, right before we left.




I remember Chiang Rai (not to be
confused with chaing MAI):
I remembered living down the street from an elephant park, and being friends
with a lady a couple houses down who had an elephant in her front yard. I
remember painting a mural on the side of the church as I was drenched in sweat
from the heat. I remember doing children's ministry where we could only
communicate through hugs and smiles. I remember meeting a precious woman who
was 102 years old as she smiled and asked us about America. I remember fried bananas
for 25 cents at the ladies shop next door to us that had a 9 foot long python
in a cage.





I remembered the people I met, places
I went, temples I visited and got to pray over. I remember the life I felt when
I was there.
A piece of my heart is still in Thailand and
today I miss it.
I remembered the people I met, places I went, temples I
visited and got to pray over. I remember the life I felt when I was there.
A piece of my heart is still in Thailand and today I miss it.
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Posted in General Posts by Hailey Crump on 3/14/2012
I have heard more times then I can
count how lucky I am to live the life I live. To that I say, AMEN! You are so absolutely spot on! I
am blessed beyond a shadow of a doubt to be able to leave my comfort to spread
God's love. AMEN AMEN AMEN.
I never want to discount or minimize
the fact that I know the life I live is a privilege. That the call the Lord has
placed on me is one I daily marvel at and ask the Lord why he choose me.
Seriously, the other night I sat
thinking about my life. Basically how crappy I choose to live it for so many
years, and how God plucked me out of my steaming pile of crap I had built up
and literally transformed me into something beautiful and unrecognizable. HECK YEAH. I accept that. Thank you
Jesus! I would not be me, without you.
Then I thought, Lord thank you for
sending me to the places that are the hardest for me. For situations I can't
handle on my own. To countries that test my patience and love. To people who
don't like me, trust me or want me around.
It's true you read that right. I'm thankful for all of the junk I have been fortunate
enough to walk through.
I say fortunate enough because it shows me that God cares about my character
and honor and integrity to walk through the junk and make it to the other side
not only unscathed but beaming with his light..
Last year I was in Uganda. I was a
hot mess. I struggled with the country my contact my health and had daily pity
parties for myself. What a fantastic month that was for me. It was hard. I
wanted to go home.
I whined, complained and poured out
venomous negativity on my team.
What came out of it? Hard realizations
of how negative I was, how much my attitude affected those around me, and just
a dingy, dirty, unloving heart. My sin shined brighter then ever. Everywhere I
turned it glared back at me. I checked my heart, and the outlook was fatal. So,
what happened? God took a bad
experience and ripped out things in my life that needed to be ripped out. I would not have gotten those if I
didn't get beat over the head with my flaws.
Last year in Cambodia I was lazy, run down, worn
out, and tired. I got complacent. It led me to not caring, apathy and
all the lovely side effects of that. Why? Not because I had a genuine reason to
be, mainly because I decided that was how I should be after 11 months.
I got home and saw my intentions, my
motives and all my reasoning behind my actions and saw how much it was defined
by my perception of what I thought I was supposed to be like. I saw my
complacency staring back at me, and all of the opportunities I missed because
of it. God slapped my in the face with that one.
I am
where I am now, because I got dragged through the mud. I let situations and circumstances dictate
how I lived and loved. It took me failing and recognizing that failure for God
to be able to show me the things in my heart and actions that absolutely needed
to change. So, every day I thank the Lord that he cares enough about me and my
life to take me through the crap. The stuff that hurts, and stings, and
shatters my pride.
I remember this time last year getting
called out on something in my life, and being told how much pride I was acting
out of. It hurt, it burned, I winced and shrunk back in the pain, but I let God speak into that and uproot something I didn't even
know I was dealing with.
So, now I
can operate out of a place of trusting in the Lord, rather then trying to get something
because I feel like I deserve it. I don't deserve it. I don't deserve anything,
but God loves me and chooses to give me things anyways. So now I can operate
out of place of thanksgiving and
gratefulness rather then expectancy and entitlement.
I am thankful for the junk. I am
thankful for God's faithfulness in using it for his glory. I am thankful that
my learning never ceases and neither does God's grace. I am thankful that I am
COVERED in God's grace. I am thankful that I
serve a God who is full of love, and not afraid to call us on our crap and
radically force us to confront the things in our life that he wants gone. He is just and good and wants the
same for us, at any cost.
I am so thankful that God loves us
enough to discipline us. I am who I am because
God never stops pushing me to greatness, and sometimes it requires getting a little messy. In
the end all I can say is AMEN!
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Posted in General Posts by Hailey Crump on 3/12/2012
"I don't know
what happened, my arms are healing faster then they ever have"
These were
the words of my student JM Fields, the morning after we prayed for healing over
a syndrome she has had for several years of her life.

JM is thee most
adorable, creative girl I have ever met. She is so full of life and love to
give. She brings child like joy everywhere she goes. The Lord has blessed her
with an incredible amount of talent and creativity that I would love to have
even the teeniest bit rub off on me while I have the privilege of spending the
next two months with her.
It was 4 days
ago that I was sitting in my tent as tears streamed down JM's face as she told
me all about these sores that were growing on her under arms, due to polysistic
ovarian syndrome that she has had her whole life. She told me how they were
worse then they had ever been and were draining which was causing her horrible
discomfort. After talking to her mom she discovered that she would have to have
surgery to remove the sores if they didn't get better.
After a day
of sitting on this information she came and found me and was telling me how she
didn't know what to do and was scared. As we talked, I felt the Lord
moving saying this is not going to last. Don't pray for her discomfort to be
gone, pray for her syndrome to be gone completely.
We sat and
talked about how so often we put God in this box of wanting him to take away
our pain, or our discomfort all the while God is saying why do you want me to
help you cope with it when I can just take it away all together? All we have to
do is ask. You will never know if you don't ask. Get specific, get personal and
be real with God.

We say he's a
God of healing and yet we are afraid to ask him to heal us. I said, so instead
of asking the Lord to take away your discomfort we are going to ask him to take
away your syndrome and that from this second on that your arms are going to
begin healing.
So, we did
just that. We sat together and we prayed. We didn't just pray though, we
expected God to show up and to heal her. We had faith, that God is who he says
he is. Our healer.
The next day
after ministry when she walked in I remembered our prayer and asked her how she
was feeling and if anything has changed. To which she said they completely
stopped draining out of nowhere. I just smiled and said Jesus heals.
Everyday
since then I don't even have to ask, she just comes up to me and gives me a
report. She walks up to me and tells me how quickly they are healing. Tonight
as we sat having a birthday party for one of our other girls, she looked at me
and said "It's almost completely gone, they have healed faster then they ever
have usually it takes weeks for them to recover and it has only been four days,
and they were way worse then they ever have been" Her face just beamed with the
knowledge that God had done a mighty work in her. It was more then a knowledge
of God healing her, it was a knowledge of knowing God loves her and cares
enough about her to even hear her prayers for healing, and to want to take it
away.
God heals. I
have seen it with my eyes and know that's who he is. This is just one instance
of God working in the lives of his children.

On a side note, I super need your financial support in order to squad led more of the generation God is rising up this summer. CLICK HERE to support me.
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Posted in General Posts by Hailey Crump on 3/7/2012
Crump&tuid=11923747Squad Leading
Oh hey! Want to know exactly what it
means to be a squad leader? Well you're in luck. I'm going to fill you in on
everything.
What is your role as a squad
leader?
My role is to pour into the squad. More specifically to pour into the
team leaders so that they can then pour into their teams. I encourage, rise up,
and release leaders to be the best that they can be. Does it sound like the
marines? It's not. : )
What will you be doing?
As a squad leader you have a lot of flexibility in where you go
throughout each country. The teams on the field will go to one location and
stay there for the whole month, where as the squad leaders will visit multiple
teams and spots in a country during that same time. Our job is to go encourage
and empower each team throughout their time, and to challenge them to go deeper
in their relationship with the Lord, so when they are out doing ministry they
are doing it from a place of intimacy with the Lord.
Your doing the race again? So
you'll be gone for 11 more months?
No, I will be with the squad for the first 4 months they are on the
field, at which point we will raise up new squad leaders from within the squad
who will take over and we will go home. We will then go back to visit the squad
at their month 8 and 11 debriefs, to be able to refocus and encourage them
along their journey.
Why do you have to fundraise,
shouldn't it be free?
Well, that is a good question my dear friends. All of my on the field
expenses will be covered by the squad and their fundraising, however airfare
for the first four countries as well as to month 8 and 11 debrief is my
responsibility to raise. AIM is a non-profit org. and therefore this is just
how the cookie crumbles my friends. I will raise around 7,000 to cover all of
my flights. Would love your support : ) CLICK HERE to give.
Are you excited? Or exhausted
at the thought of leaving so soon again?
I am pumped! I know without a doubt the Lord is guiding me in all of
this, and though yes at times I think to myself that I must be crazy to jump
right back into the field, I know it's what God wants. I will get time to rest
when I am home for June, and I always end up getting so much life in the midst
of my chaos. So to sum it up I am more then excited. I know that God has so
much in store for my squad and he is getting ready to pour it out over all of
them. I am praying for transformation, life, passion, compassion, perseverance
and an abundance of God's spirit to come down on the squad. I am excited to see
more of this generation fully alive and thriving in the Lord and willing to do
anything to bring his kingdom to earth. I am so blessed and humbled that the Lord
has chosen me to be a apart of this journey with them, and I know there are
going to be incredible things that happen! So stay tuned!
When and why did you decided
to become a Squad Leader?
Well, God actually laid squad leading on my heart right at the end of
month 1 of my race. I knew it as something I was called to, but not something
for the race. I waited and thought that God had closed the door, and then BAM
he flung it wide open, and told me the time was now. So here I am, and as far
as why I want to squad lead, it has a lot to do with the impact my squad
leaders had on me during the race. They pushed me and challenged me and allowed
me to see things in a way I never had before. They are a big reason why I am
who I am today, because of the passion and life they brought to our squad and I
want to be able to do that for others also. I want to help them see who God truly
is and what he can do if we let him. I want to see more of my generation fully
alive for the Lord, and I want them to take a hold of it make it their own, and
run with it. God's wrecked my heart for my generation and I want to be a part
of helping raise us up to follow the Lord no matter how it looks.
When do you leave and where
will you be going?
I will be leaving in July. Sometime in the beginning of the month, the
actual date is not set as of yet. Also my squad is yet to be determined. They
are working on placing us with our co-leaders and then they will place us with
our route. God already knows which route has been placed on my heart, but
ultimately I am going because he is calling me to go, I am not going because of
a specific country or location. But as soon as I know, I will let you know! No
matter where I end up, God is going to be moving there big time, and that's all
I need to know!
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Posted in General Posts by Hailey Crump on 3/7/2012
Support Raising.
It's a sore subject for me. I don't like talking about it, writing about it,
thinking about it or planning for it. It's hard and often met with a lot of
rejection. Half way through the race when I was fully funded I pleaded with the
Lord to not call me to anything that would require me to raise money, or ask
anyone for help. I loved relying on you Lord, but um I want to take it from
here on out. Ha! That didn't go well, and God said clearly that he was not done
with me and that if he called me to anything that he would provide.
So, I shook my
head and thought, "oh no, what's coming next" Well for starters Africa, Kenya more
specifically. He brought me here and told me it's in my hands, just trust. So I
am trusting. Then right when I think I am safe and can go home for at least a
couple of months he places squad leading on my heart. You know when the Lord
places something on your heart, and you can't eat, drink, or sleep without
thinking about it. How it doesn't matter what you are doing it creeps into your
mind constantly and you know it won't go away until you act on it? Well that's what
he did with squad leading.
Just like when I
signed up for the world race and wanted to wait for a later one so I could earn
money and do it on my own, that's what I wanted to do with this. I picked a
later trip and decided to lead it, and then God said, uh uh I want you to go in
July.
"What? Lord, I don't
know if you know this or not, but I just got off the world race in November,
was home for approximately a month before I went to Kenya, and now you want me
to get back from Kenya, go to training camp in may, spend another month at home
and then leave again?" His response, "Yep"
Ok, awesome.
Alright Lord, I trust you. So that's what I did, I signed up got accepted and
am going to be squad leading for a July World Race squad. As I sat here
thinking about it, it hit me. Support Raising. Ugh. I wanted to curl up into a
ball. I don't know if I can do it anymore. I am sick of asking people for
money. People are sick of me asking them for money. I am tired of feeling like
a leech. I feel needy, lazy, frustrated with the fact that I can't just figure
out a way to get the money without asking anyone for help.
That's when God
met me there and told me, this isn't about you. I choose you to do this because
you have something that your squad needs. They have life in them that needs to
be released and you need to guide them in that. I told you I would provide for
you, if you stepped out and followed me, and you are doing that. I never
promised the process would be simple or easy but I promised I will be with you,
and my will, will be done. Some people may not understand but the people who
need to will. You are not lazy you are following my will for you and doing what
I call you to do, and it just so happens to not look like the norm, but I am
with you.
So, I uncurled
from my ball sat a little taller and decided to trust the Lord. The thing with
trusting him, is it's not a one time thing, it's ever day. So here I am once
again asking you to stand behind me in this. I don't know what the Lords plans
are for me exactly, but I know that I am supposed to be leading my generation
further into his heart and love for them and that is precisely what I am going
to be doing.
So, if you would
like to continue on this journey God has me on of releasing this generation
around the world to show his love and grace then consider supporting me. I need
to raise 7,000 dollars for my flights while I lead the squad. And I can't do it
without you. I need your help and I am asking with the full confidence that the
Lord already knows exactly how and when the money is going to come in, and that
it will in fact be coming in. So, consider supporting me, I know this is a
sacrifice for you to be able to do so, but know that your support is helping to
bring God's love to people who may never have heard of him before. We're
releasing a fire, and it's catching and bringing God's glory to the World. Will
you partner with me in helping it spread?
If so CLICK HERE
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Posted in General Posts by Hailey Crump on 3/7/2012
God has laid a huge truth on me during my last two months in
Kenya.
The one thing he keeps asking me over and over again is, "What do you need?
What are you lacking? What do you wish you had more of? Where do you want to be
growing?" and without fail every time I come up with the one thing that I need,
the one thing that would make me feel better, or give me life in a certain
area, his response is always "Take what you are lacking and go give it to
someone else"
If I need encouragement, he tells me to go encourage someone
else. If I need someone to listen to or hear out my heart, he tells me to go
and sit and listen to someone else's heart. If I need someone to pray for me,
he tells me to go pray for someone else. If I want someone to take care of me
when I'm sick, he tells me to go take care of someone else when they are sick.
Sounds crazy? Not really.
So, often I get caught up in needing so much. Wishing that
someone would come along and just know the things deep inside my heart that
need release or rest. I think of ways that people can bless me, or make me feel
better, or make me feel more comfortable. Just asking God to send someone who
understands, who gets it, and who will love me exactly where I am and for who I
am, in that precise moment.
I know I'm not the only one who does this. Search your
hearts. There's always moments in life where we need something and just wish
someone would come along to meet us in that need. It's not wrong to want that,
were supposed to live in community that reaches out and touches each other, but
how do you react when you don't get it. Is it a pity party, or woe is me type
of attitude? We start to live in a place of lack, feeling like God or someone
has to come around and dig us out of the "pit" we find ourselves in.
When in reality God already gave us the key. Chances are if
you need something, so does someone else. If you need support, love, grace,
someone to listen to you, a shoulder to cry on, a friend to confide in,
encouragement, or life spoken into you, so does someone else. So you could sit
there and think man, if only someone would take the time to come comfort and
support me, or you can say hey I really need comfort and support so I am going
to go and find someone and be that for them. Give away the one thing you don't
have. Be the blessing you are waiting/hoping for.
God will never return void in that. There is so much life
when you decide to act on things instead of waiting idly by.
The other night in my team I was having a really hard time
leading. I was discouraged and out of it, and as I sat there I was talking to
God about how much I needed encouragement, and once again he said, ok take that
and go give it to someone else. So when team time came I gave everyone a paper
and told them that we were going to encourage each other. We were going to sit
and listen to the lord, and write down what we felt he was saying about the
person and the encouragement that the Lord was speaking over them.
I sat and listened and wrote, and even just writing out
words of life to someone else took a huge weight I was carrying off of me. Then
it was time to find out who the papers went to, and give them to them. So, we
handed out the letters and when I got mine it was exactly what I needed to
hear. I'm not talking about general, oh this could apply to anyone type of
thing. No, it was specific and spoke so clearly to my heart, and as I read it I
just felt the Lord saying "see what happens when you step out first and decide
to give away what you don't have. I will always bless you when you take a
chance and step out."
Now it may not always be tangible and instant in the same
way that mine was that night, but the Lord will always be faithful to fill you
up. Just think how many peoples prayers you are answering by deciding to give
away what you don't have. So, much life comes when we decide to step out. I see
it everyday
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Posted in General Posts by Hailey Crump on 3/1/2012
Walking along the hospital corridors you see people lining
the walls waiting to see a doctor. Hospital waiting rooms filled to overflowing
with people just waiting to be seen. As you walk further into the hospital you
find yourselves in hallways lined with doctors, and nurses bustling around in a
hurry to go from room to room to see as many patients as possible. Kenyan
doctors will stop to say hello and greet us, while American doctors who are
volunteering will give us quizzical looks as to why a group of Americans are
wandering the hospital everyday. It is a chaotic blur of events that is occurring
all around us at any given point.
We are there to get to know people, love on them, shadow
doctors and transform to become anything they need at any given moment. In a
single day you can witness a surgery, assist a doctor in taking off a cast,
pray with people, draw on a blackboard with children, work in the kitchen, do
rounds, work in the marketing department, give a sermon, sing, sew or a
countless number of other things.
On my first day in the wards, I was a bit overwhelmed with
the amount of stuff that was happening around me. We walked into the annex,
where mothers were lying in beds with their babies who have spin bifida and whose
brains are enlarged from swelling. All I could do was walk around and pray, to
listen to what the Lord was saying over the children who lye waiting around for
surgery or who just received surgery. I walked around listening, taking it all
in, and letting my heart feel the Lords heart in that place.
When we were returning from lunch I was praying that God
would highlight someone for me to talk to. As soon as I walked through the
doors to the hospital I was met with the same bustling scene I had encountered
earlier but this time something different caught my attention. Amongst all of
the bustling doctors I noticed a little boy weaving in-between them, dressed in
pink hospital clothes. He immediately
caught my attention, not only because of his pink hospital clothes but because of
his confidence in maneuvering the halls. As we got closer I noticed their was
something different about this eight year old boy. I saw the reason he was in
the hospital.
He turned to shake my hand and I saw the tumor that covered
his over 65% of his face, and yet it wasn't what captured me. He was the most
precious little boy I had met there. He then followed us into the pediatrics
ward to the black board in the back to draw pictures with chalk. While he drew
he laughed and played and was just like any other 8 year old boy. His
disposition was so sweet and kind and he stole my heart. We sat and drew
together and played clapping games. He would get a big smile across his face. I
left that day with such a soft spot for him.
The next day, I was with one of my girls shadowing a
physical therapist, when we found ourselves in Alex's room. I waved hello to
them, and followed the doctor to the patient we were there to see, but as we
sat there I saw a different doctor come up to Alex with a syringe. He sat on
the bed getting a shot in his arm, and after a minute or so he started crying
and whincing in pain. It broke my heart to see, I just wanted to go next to
him, scoop him into my arms and tell him everything was ok. I asked the doctor
I was with, what he was getting done, and he told me that he was getting
silicone implants in his arms so that when he had the surgery to take the tumor
off of his face that they would have skin to use to graft his face with. He
told me that Alex and his father had been in the hospital for over a year,
getting ready for and waiting for his surgery he was going to have.
I listened intently as my heart broke for him and his
family. Living in a hospital, particularly this one is not the most
entertaining thing in the world. In fact it can be down right boring, and he
had spent over a year there. Not only that but he is undergoing painful
injections and operations on a daily basis. He had every reason to be sad and
down, and yet he had so much joy. He is just like any other 8 year old boy and
still is able to sit and smile and laugh and have fun, in the midst of so much.
Through him God gave me such a good depiction of what it
means to not let our circumstances dictate our Joy or life that we experience
through him. He is bigger then our pain, and situations. I don't know why Alex
has to deal with all of this at such a young age, or at all but I know that God
is with him and will not let him go. Through all the chaos and mess of life,
God is who he says he is, and he is always faithful.
Alex has stolen a place in my heart and I ask for your
prayers for him also as he continues to go through the process of getting his
procedure. He is such a precious child of God and I feel so blessed that I am
able to spend even just a little bit of time loving on him while we are here.
He is an encouragement to me.
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